I remember vividly, about two months ago, sitting in one of our campus ministry meetings on a Thursday Night and asking my friend if I could have a sip from her water bottle when she joked, “just don’t give me corona-virus.”
Two months ago that word held no meaning for me. I literally had no idea what she meant when she said that. About a week later I had heard the term thrown around enough that I took the time to look it up, learning some very general basics about the virus.
A couple of weeks later my best friend, who moved over here from Hong Kong, expressed concern for her family back home and asked for donations towards purchasing masks for her family whose country’s supply was quickly running low.
After donating to my friend’s endeavor the topic went right on the back-burner again, and while this may have been my ignorant downfall, it was my reality in the moment.
This disease had not touched my country’s soil yet, and I am a middle class white woman with all her entire life ahead of her. Looking back I can see how this entire moment in history is reshaping my entire view on the world, and how people are people. How, just because the people directly surrounding me aren’t being affected in the moment, doesn’t mean my people aren’t being affected. Because all people are my people. Because, “from His dwelling place He looks out on all the inhabitants of the earth” (Psalm 33:14). Because God sees all people and sent His Son to die for all people.
Three weeks after this I was getting ready to travel to Nashville with my mentor for a week for a Jesus kind of conference and received that news that our university may be asking students not to return for two weeks following the approaching Spring Break. While this news came as a bit of a shock I was nowhere near prepared for what would come in the following ten days.
We were hit with the rumor of our university closing for a couple weeks on March 10th, received the news that this would be a reality on the 11th, moved to full closer by the 14th, and today on the 20th I am discussing the possibility of a statewide lock-down with my dad and the potential of driving home for however long that would last.
I’ve heard and read over and over again that if we don’t take drastic measures it will hit hard and fast. However, the reality I believe is that it has already hit hard and fast.
I look around and see my community, my state, and my country panicking. I honestly cannot think about how fast everything changed for too long or my mind will be swimming and I will go under. It’s overwhelming and that’s the honest truth.
Never again will we take being able to sit in our local coffee shop for granted. No longer will we dread getting up early on a Sunday morning to head to church. I don’t think I will ever look at my college campus ministry and its multiple days a week activities in the same way. Even our small, ten person, weekly worship night has been made virtual.
And here’s the thing - I could panic. I often find myself extremely overwhelmed by many different mountains I face in life. Looking at the next month filled out to the max in my planner? I freak out. Think too much about the fact that some of my closest friends graduate and move in May to be seen only occasionally thereafter? I call them and tell them they aren’t allowed to grow up. Broach the idea of conflict with someone I care about? I hide under my sheets.
It;s undeniable Covid-19 is changing all of our lives on extremely short notice, but what is taken for granted or possibly not even realized is how in control we are over how it changes our lives outside of possibly soon not being able to leave our home.
When I got back from my week in Nashville this past Sunday I had not even pulled into my driveway when I got the text about bars and restaurants moving to carry out only. Friends, I was pissed off. Who did these people think they were? What kind of conspiracy is this? Who’s making these kinds of business killing decisions? I didn’t know how to respond other than in anger. That’s one response, one I’m sure many of us are feeling and choosing right now.
However, as the night went on and my co-worker changed my mindset from “this sucks” to “this is unfortunate,” I decided I would not live to see the side of history that will emerge after Covid-19 unless I changed my response. At least not mentally and spiritually.
Rather than sinking down into the depths of despair and hopelessness and the unknown, I’ve stepped into the truth of my confidence in Christ and hope in an unchanging God. I decided that the only thing I could cling to in such a trying time was my God of all God’s who has walked before me and knows all that is to come. To fall on my knees in prayer and contention and refuse to believe this is “just where we are at” when we have an almighty God. I believe that I serve a God who can change, rewind, and redeem anything. So I pray big and I don’t allow myself to forget how He is more faithful to me and His people than we could ever be to Him.
Everything is changing and I’m taking wise precautions such as preparing to go home if we go into lock-down and washing my hands much more often than usual.
However, I never thought I would be writing this post only two months ago. And so, I will not change the ways I worshiped, prayed, and trusted in God two months ago.
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